Back to normal

Lately I’ve realized that I haven’t been doing enough to get myself "back to normal" or whatever my new normal is supposed to be. I realized that going out and forcing my life to go on isn’t me working on myself but instead it’s me avoiding the work.

It’s why even though I’ll go out and let people make me smile, I’m crushed as soon as the lights come on. I thought that since I knew the worst came in my stillness, the only thing to do was keep moving. To go to graduation and go to the after parties. Then go out for my birthday and go to the next party. Then go out on Mother’s Day and the next day and the next day until it didn’t feel it anymore.

But that day will never come because no matter how hard I try, it’ll be something I always feel. There will always be a reminder. The worst is always around waiting for me to sit still and that’s okay. There is also peace in stillness, even if I can’t feel it yet.

Sitting Pretty ,

Daph