Just Carter's Mom

It's been a while, and wildly enough I never thought I'd be back in this place where I felt safe enough to write after being asked not to for so long. After being so harshly judged and scrutinized for the way I decided to express myself. But yet, here I am trying to figure out how to navigate figuring who I am outside of this title by going back to the things I once loved. I was once a person before entering "Motherhood". I was cool. I had hobbies. I was Interesting and most importantly, I wasn't always attached to the trauma and hardship that it took to become "Just Carter's Mom" and while the title itself can be rewarding, I constantly find myself constantly searching for something more than being "just Carter's Mom". I'm not even sure more exists for me but I'm holding on to the hope that it somehow gets better than this. That there's more that life has to offer to me.

I'm not gonna lie though, being here looking over my previous entries and feeling the keyboard beneath my fingertips feels so out of place for me. While I have decided to use this platform as a starting point, I am afraid that the person who started this blog years ago has died. Now that doesn't mean that the experiences she shared have died with her, it just means that they now show up in different ways. New Daph, Same Obstacles. I still often feel the need to run and hide. I still feel an overwhelming amount of shame clouding my skies and I still feel like nothing I do is enough. I'm stuck between wanting to be proud of where I am now and knowing that there is still so much work to do. Now, Im still trying to figure out who I am and what my purpose is but for now, I'm starting my list off with "Blogger".

My Name is Daphnee Louis and I'm not just Carter's mom, I am a "Blogger"