Lost Ones

For weeks on end all I could hear were the words of our very own Jermaine Cole spitting verses from ”Lost Ones”. As the theater screen in my mind replayed the night of our conversation over and over, the music became louder. It was as if the scoring to this movie screamed "Now I'm pregnant, you don't wanna get involved, mothafucka? Tryna take away a life, is you God, mothafucka? I don't think so! This a new life up in my stomach. Regardless if I'm your wife, this new life here I'mma love it. I ain't budging I just do this by my mothafuckin' self.” I was amazed. Mind blown even. The fact that I could put my life on mute and still seek truth from the words of a song made everything so much more surreal. The fact that you were a photocopy of all the men that came before you... Correction! A photocopy of the boys who ran away from their responsibilities seemed so clichè to me. Alas, another Black "Man" walking out on his child. But it is not your fault, you were built that way. Groomed to assume that mommy would somehow “save the day" and I will. I will carry the weight of our child on my shoulders with or without you.

And although it hurts I rather hurt at the expense of a being who would love me unconditionally. One who would soon be a photocopy of me. Yes I am afraid but there’s nothing you could pay to escape this so by all means I’d like to politely decline your offer. I said there’s nothing you could pay so baby take your money and go! But this time never return. Trust me it hurt to hear those words leave my mouth but I now needed to protect my child from the cruelties of this world which happened to include their father. Yes, their FATHER.

Yet for the sake of my child I needed you to stray farther. Similarly to Trump I began a plan to build a wall at the border of our lives because unlike immigrants, your ass didn’t belong here. I needed to "Make Daphnee Great Again" and to do so I had to shut you out. So sign! Sign away your rights to a life who would always see the good in you. Who would ignore your flaws because of love. And sure you’ll have other children, but each of them will remind you of how you lost one.

No longer yours,

Daph the lost one