Postpartum Recovery

The worst part of losing a baby is that your body doesn’t know it. It doesn’t understand that it is constantly reminding you of your pain. Constantly reminding you of what was. Constantly reminding you of what was supposed to be. The worst part of losing a baby is looking down at a belly that’s still there. Round and firm as if there’s still something there to protect. The worst part of losing a baby is the loss of your baby.

She’s no longer here yet the aches are. The pains are. That numbing sensation running from your hips all the way down to your legs are and the nausea is at an all time high. Now this would have all been worth it had my baby girl been in my arms. One look at her would have made it all okay. I know it’s sounds crazy but I was actually looking forward to the sleepless nights. Now instead I’m waking up to the sound of my own tears and the rattling of pain medication.

Now don’t get me wrong, I know losing a baby doesn’t make me any less of a mother but it does mean less laughter. Less diapers. Less nesting and less mess. Less of all the things I was looking forward to more of and that doesn’t sit well with me. It’s crazy to see how quickly all the changes and plans I made to accommodate the expansion of my little family have all been done in vain.

In Recovery mode,

Daph