Shambles

shambles

/ (ˈʃæmbəlz) /

noun (functioning as singular or plural)

a place of great disorder

My life is in shambles. Now, I swear I say this every month but this time… I’m dead ass. My life looks like the room of a person whose excuse for leaving behind a mess is :

"well I know where everything is"

Except, I have no idea where anything is. I constantly find myself searching for something that will fill this void. Something that will somehow act as the glue that holds my life together. I just keep looking and looking, thinking that "it’s gotta be in here somewhere".

And I’ve tried the whole setting my self up for the day idea where I get up, make my bed, get dressed, and try and get a grip, but come 9:30 pm when all is calm and I lay my son down for bedtime, I realize I haven’t done a damn thing. I haven’t answered any of my own questions and my life is still in shambles.

But what if our answers aren’t lost within the messes that we’ve made of ourselves. What if the questions left unanswered are meant to push us into the world aimlessly until we stumble upon what is is we need. How do I get myself together enough to make it out of the house? How do I muster up the strength and the courage to find the answers I’m looking for if they aren’t within?

So here I am lying in bed under a brick of depression thinking "Damn , my life is in shambles”. But there isn’t enough room for me to slide myself out from under it and make it out into the world of answers.

Love,

A depressed state of Daph