Standing in the rain

Today the rain called and I couldn’t help but answer. I couldn’t help but run into the pouring rain and pour out my heart as if somehow everthing I’ve been feeling was being washed away into the sewers. The pain of betrayal. The pain of being taken for granted. The pain of having someone take my kindness for weakness. The pain of being manipulated at the expense of my vulnerability by someone who knows both my every strength and weakness. It had all been stripped away as I stood there in the storm begging for God to give me a sense of direction.

For a moment, it had all disappeared while I stood there drenched in water. Drenched in what somehow felt like clarity and although it seemed as if I could barely breathe, I finally took my first breath of fresh air in days. For the first time my tears didn’t seem so heavy and I thank God for that. I thank God for pushing me past the struggle of suicidal thoughts that were constantly eating me alive these last couple days. I even wrote out a few letters to my friends and family letting them know why I had decided to take my own life and today as I stood in the rain I felt like I no longer needed them.

So I would encourage anyone who is reading this to take the time to answer the unexpected callings. To run into the rain when needed because standing in the rain is just as theraputic as dancing in it. I’m not out of the woods yet, but I know over time I’ll get back to the exactly place I need to be.