The Results

It was as if as soon as I walked out of that place time decided to take a break. These next couple of days felt like years and I must say, I was anxious. I couldn’t wait to say I told you so. To hear the sound of his voice as he uttered the words I had been saying all along. There was nothing I wanted more than for him to know that he there he stood , just a few hours away while we faced death. That those cold and lonely nights Carter spent without us could have been avoided. I wanted him to hurt like I hurt. I wanted him to know that his son, his own flesh and blood laid there intubated for days without him. That he missed the birth of his son because of pride.

I played this very moment out in my head almost a hundred times yet when it finally came I felt nothing. Somehow I knew receiving this information didn’t change a thing. It didn’t make him anymore of a father and it surly didn’t make Carter any more his son. All It meant what that he had some explaining to do. Everything I thought I wanted to say vanished. This was the first time I was being heard and I had absolutely nothing to say but "really, that’s crazy". Not because I believed it was, but because somewhere inside of me I hoped that I was wrong. I hoped that the way I had been treated was for good reason. Where were we supposed to go from here?

The day went on and I quickly realized that I wasn’t the only one hoping for a different outcome. At approximately 4 am the next day I received a text while breastfeeding the son we now knew we shared that read "I just want you to know that we’ll never be friends again and that I despise you because you’re fake". I knew this message was sent out of hurt and shock but I could no longer bring myself to feel sorry for her. I no longer cared about a friendship that had long ended so I replied with "lol umm okay". I was over it. I moved on and could no longer entertain the bitterness and when I thought this was the end, it was really just the beginning.

Exhausted,

Daph The other mother