The Roller Coaster

There’s this new ride that I cant seem to get off of lately and it’s called grief. Its full of twists and turns and unexpected drops. You’re up for a second and next thing you know you’re traveling through a tunnel of darkness. only for your picture to be taken during a time of horror.

For instance, a friend of mine and I were talking about how ironic it is that I can barely keep an appetite these days. Just last week I was ready to eat a 3 course meal at any given moment. I smiled at how true that was. I even giggled a little thinking about the late nights I "cried" over burgers from Culver’s on Conroy and wings from A town … In Tallahassee.

Yet in that same second of what I now think is happiness, I shed a tear thinking about how the source of my hunger was no longer there. She would never be here again. I immediately took a fall into sadness and there I was sitting there stuck. Too shocked to move. For the next few moments silence became the star of the show.

I could be coasting along and the moment you ask if I’m okay I’m sent spiraling down this ride again because I am reminded that nothing about this feels okay. This is not okay. I am not okay. Hell, what is being okay? What is moving on when everything is a reminder of what used to be. If Im being completely honest I hate this ride. I can’t wait to get off and I genuinely wish I never even had to get on.

Coasting,

Daph